Duncanisms

This page is dedicated to a man named Duncan:

The man, the myth, the legend...

The man, the myth, the Duncan…

He is a simple man, with many simple quotes that put smiles on our faces every day.  They may cause frustration at times, but normally we laugh until our bellies hurt.  Here are some of those quotes:

After getting hit in the head by a frying a pan or having a drill bit go through his skull he says, “Tastes like Purple”.

Points to left side of the screen, “Click the box on the right”.

“The data center is laid out as ABBA ABBA ABBA ABBA…”

When asked, “Are these drives hot swappable”, Duncan replied, “Yes, but only if the server is powered off”.

When troubleshooting a server that was performing poorly, “We need to kill the system idle process, it’s running at 99%”.  When told that this is normal and indicates the CPU is fine he responds, “I’ll have to look into that…”.  Keep in mind, he’s been a “Windows Admin” for years.

Support Engineer: I need to restore a file from two weeks ago, but I don’t see it. Don’t we keep two weeks of retention?
Duncan: Yeah, we have two weeks.
Support Engineer: Well, it isn’t there.
Duncan: We we only keep 12 days.
Support Engineer: Well you just told me two weeks.
Duncan: Yeah, two weeks. 12 days.
Support Engineer: Any fruits or vegetables?
Duncan: Two weeks.

Network Engineer:  Are you writing this stuff down?
Duncan:  I don’t forget anything, I have the memory of an Elephant and have remembered everything since I was aborted.
Next day, everything was forgotten and out of order.

“It’s E like Olaphant”.

Holds a sparkler for too long, 3rd degree burns.

“I’m an abortion survivor.  Three months into my mother’s pregnancy my mother was told that my umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck and I would be brain dead within 2 weeks.  She opted for an abortion because it was the humane thing to do it.  It didn’t work.”

Engineer:  Duncan, you keep breaking stuff.  Don’t touch anything.  DO NOT MAKE ANY FURTHER CHANGES.
Duncan:  (Peers above cube 5 minutes later) Cass, I fixed it.
Engineer:  I told you not to touch anything, what did you change?
Duncan:  I don’t know, about a dozen or so things… But I fixed it.

Here is an example of one of his well written blogs.  It’s important to note that this is not fictional.  Take note of the lack of punctuation and grammatical errors.  Remember, these go out to the entire company:

Patching and rebooting of Ewhbackup server’s and DC2 and DC1 and Exch2 will take place Wednesday night starting around 11pm  I will send an Email out once I have completed everything any question Feel free to Email meMduncan

When being called out on how there are less than two weeks of backups for a system he manages, he kept arguing that 12 days was three weeks.  Eventually, after getting frustrated he blurts out, “Don’t worry about it, this is above your pay grade”.

When naming days of the week he pronounces the them like “Mundie, Toosdie, Wenzdie, Thursdie and Frydie.”

Makes seed spitting sounds from his cube, but isn’t chewing seeds.

Vampire Duncan

Duncan – Creature of the night.

After pissing off his 14 year old girlfriend (who he bought a truck for). Baby Ruuuuth!

After pissing off his 14 year old girlfriend (who he bought a truck for).

Says “Long story short”, then proceeds to tell you the longest version of the story.